This is An internet Zine about trials and tribulations.

I make all my own stuff here.

Who am I?
I'm a Queer Vegan Anarchist Boy
24
Living right outside of Philadelphia, Pa.
Partner

Inquisitive?

The Fall.

I can’t believe it’s so close.

So many things have been happening with me, and shit is getting pretty good.

I got many of my hours back at the gas station (temporarily) while continuing to work at the grocery store. I’ll have a raise coming up in November at the grocery store too!

It is a beneficial thing, because I’ve been saving up money to get my car fixed, my computer fixed, and maybe even get a smart phone? I know it’s a step… even for me.

I’m also saving to go to NYC on halloween.

This year is going to be crazy since halloween falls on a Friday again. I can imagine the city is going to be packed with so many people in costumes.

I say again, because, It’s hard for me to believe that seven years ago was my first NYC trip to see World/Inferno for Hallowmas. Seven years means that seven years ago it fell on a Friday as well. And I’ve gone every single year.

This band and this trip means a lot to me. And the friends I’ve made and people I surround myself with are equally important. I never thought seven years ago that I’d be in a relationship with someone that loves much of the same music as me, or even shared most of my interests/life goals.

And to see that be a reality is amazing. I am so madly in love with Alex that it is hard to describe sometimes.

As summer is ending and Alex falls back into going to classes, I’ve had a lot of time to try to work on myself. I’ve been working out, and eating really healthy. Trying to quit a lot of the vegan junk food. I’ve been drinking tons of matcha green tea and drinking smoothies every morning.

I’ve really cut down on drinking, because a lot of times I feel like I drink alone (George Thorogood style). And I don’t think that that is really all too productive. I’d rather drink a fancy beer, or good liquor with friends. And although I’ve been contemplating the idea, I don’t know if I want to go Edge again, but if I keep up this streak of not drinking it’s a big possibility.

Also a big thing in my life right now is going back to playing music. Ever since about 2 or more years ago when I stopped playing music something felt wrong. I was missing something. I didn’t feel fulfilled. And although little things like doing Cosplay Skits with my friends, or discussing the philosophical implications of a movie or comic book fulfill me, they don’t build up to what it’s like to be in a band, or be recording or making art actively.

Myself and Mike, one of my best buds are going to be doing a project. We think we’re gonna call it The Rootbeer Liberation Front again. But we’re bringing in more people. He has a friend who knows her way around the keyboard, and we think she’d be a great match for us. At least take out some of the dudeness out of the band.

But the future is looking pretty good as of now. So the only thing to do is to keep working towards it.

Guy in a R*dskins T-Shirt

Me:

So you're a fan?

Customer:

Oh yeah.

Me:

Don't you think it's about time they changed that name?

Customer:

Well... it's all up to interpretation

Me:

Well, I mean we come to this land. Pretty much commit genocide to an ENTIRE RACE of people living here. Keep pushing the remaining indigenous people into terrible conditions. Don't recognize their tribes as their own nations. And then just decide to use a racial slur to name one of our sports teams???...

I guess you're right it's up to interpretation, right?

Customer:

Um... Yeah. *runs away*

The Bathroom at the Gas Station

Customer:

You must use another bathroom... because that is the grossest bathroom I've ever seen!

Me:

I mean I piss around back mostly. Or I'll go before or after I'm done working.

Customer:

Well it's the worst.

Me:

You're telling me like I don't know? I know the bathroom is gross. We're a gas station. You've never heard horror stories about gas station bathrooms? Would you rather I have not given you the key? I'm sure you'd be equally upset.

Customer:

...

*walks out*

Last Night: Keeping the Peace and Drunken Shirtless Dudebros

So, last night at a show in West Philly some drunken shirtless bro was falling all over everyone, and making everyone have a bad time. Myself and a few other cool kids were trying to keep the peace, and build more of a wall of people stop that. Mostly because the band had said a number of times to try to BE CAREFUL and not hurt them, or anyone else. This kid was NOT LISTENING. So, every time he fell towards the front and pushed everyone. I pushed him to the back. I guess in his drunken stupor he realizes it was the kid with the ~RAINBOW SUSPENDERS~ pushing on him.

Like he’s going to be pissed at me for pushing him backwards, when he’s knocking everyone else over, and making it so no one can dance? Come the fuck on.

So, he apparently was trying to fight me? I gave him hand motions and mouthed the words,
"Calm Down."

I moved closer to up front. After the band said there will be NO FIGHTS or MACHO BULLSHIT going down the guy said something like

"OH WAIT UNTIL AFTER THE SHOW." Which I didn’t hear.
And a kid comes up to me and says,
"Oh. I got your back man!" to which I reply
"Got my back for what? No. I don’t fight people. That’s not happening."

Eventually that kid who said he got my back, I think, told the person running the show, and a few people escorted the guy out. The drunk guy didn’t even know the name of the band, and he went outside after people escorted him.

But I guess he was actually waiting for me? I went with my friends outside to my car, and he, or I guess some of his friends called me a “pussy.” Obviously these are some very upstanding citizens of the punk community.

And then some kids go, “Oh, they’re talking shit on you. They said the kid with the suspenders.” To which I reply
"Suspenders? What kid with suspenders?" as I take them off and put them in my car.
Then I turned to my friends and said,

"Lets get the fuck out of here. Now." I had some really severe fight or flight going on. And my mind was telling me get the fuck out of there.

So, the moral of this story is I’m buying a can of mace, because now I’m afraid that I’ll see this idiot, or one of his friends again. And I just wanted to say thanks to all the queer and cool kids at the show who actively protected me, and were shaming that dude for being a macho drunk dickhead. You are my heroes. You give me hope that we can make the scene a better place for everyone, and not a breeding ground for drunken shirtless dudebros.

American Exceptionalism

Me:

So, are you doing anything for the Fourth of July?

Customer:

Nope, just staying home, how about you?

Me:

Well, I'm probably going to go see a few bands.

Customer:

Oh, over at the waterfront? You know what I heard earlier today that it is not a very patriotic event..

Me:

Does it have to be?

Customer:

Well, you don't think the history of this country is important?

Me:

Well, about as important as any other countries history, I suppose.

Customer:

But we're the best.

Me:

How?

Customer:

You don't think we're the best? You would move to another country?

Me:

I hear Sweden is nice!

Customer:

But... do you know what you pay in taxes over there? It's like 75% of your income!

Me:

Isn't there a word for what you're talking about? American exceptionalism?

Customer:

Well we are special!

Me:

Maybe we believe that, because we were born here. You know when we describe other countries we call it Nationalism, but for our country we have a special word, Patriotism! Like haven't you ever heard someone talk about Nationalism in China or another country?

Customer:

Well what about the United Kingdom! I think they are pretty Patriotic?

Me:

You are proving my point....

Just the Best Party

Me:

Ren, I'm going to set this hat on fire

Ren:

No, that's not a good idea. Don't do that.

Me:

BUT WHY???

Ren:

Because you have a good chance of setting your head on fire too!

Me:

BUT REN I HAVE NO HAIR!

*lifts up my hat*

Ren:

Yes, but you would still probably catch your head on fire.

Me:

Hmmmm.....

Ren:

...And that's a really nice hat!

Me:

Good point.

*I put down the lighter*

Old Friends and Moving On

So one of my old friends ex boyfriends who wrote a really transphobic/homophobic status or two

Which resulted in me unfriending him on facespace.

He tried to get me to figure out why some of his ex-girlfriends friends won’t talk to him.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK DUDE? THEY ARE YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND’S FRIENDS.

I had to like tell him gently to move the fuck on.

Like MOVE ON. MOVE ON.

FIND OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE.

Not to mention that was like FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO.

Coworker on the Way I Eat

Coworker:

Wow! Look at all those noodle bowls! You still eat like you are a college student!

Me:

It's cheap to eat like a college student.

Coworker:

Umm that's debatable...

Me:

Well, I actually stopped eating these noodle bowls for a while, and I started gaining weight, not that there is anything wrong with that, it was just because I didn't have my meals portioned out very well.

Coworker:

But if all you eat is starch, then where do you get your vitamins?

Me:

Most people should base their diet around starch, and then supplement with fruits and vegetables.

Coworker:

That doesn't sound very healthy...

Me:

Actually, that's the way many people all over the world have lived from Ireland, to Russia, to China. They all have potatoes, rice, corn, or sweet potatoes as their main food then they just add stuff on. People have lived and thrived on starch as a mainstay in their diet for a long time.

Coworker:

Well, if it works for you?

Me:

I mean I'm obviously built like a tank!

Manager:

You are more built like gumby.

Me:

That's a fair assessment.

Impatient Bikers

Biker:

This card never works on the pump, fill it up.

*throws credit card at me and walks outside*

Me:

Sir? Hello? HELLO? YOU HAVE TO PICK A DOLLAR AMOUNT FOR ME TO PUT IT ON THE CARD.

Biker:

what?

Me:

YOU. SIR. HAVE TO TELL ME HOW MUCH YOU WANT ON THE PUMP. THIS IS A CREDIT CARD. I CAN'T SLIDE IT. I CAN'T PICK AN AMOUNT FOR YOU. I CAN'T SIGN YOUR NAME. COME BACK INSIDE, AND PAY FOR YOUR GASOLINE!

Biker:

why can't I just get gas???

Me:

YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR IT.

Biker:

THIS IS MY CARD! FILL IT UP.

Me:

IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

*the biker goes outside to try to pump the gas again*

Me:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING??????

Biker:

(to his friend) Do you know if there's a sunoco up the street around here? Or another gas station?

Biker's Friend:

Well...

Me:

There's a Wawa through the woods. There's a sunoco over in Brookhaven. There's a BP up this way. Go anywhere you like.

Biker:

*continues to try to pump gas outside*

Me:

Sir. Sir. Sir. SIR. SIR!!!

Biker's Friend:

What do I have to do?

Me:

Just slide the card, tell me how much you want, and what kind of gas. Thank you. It's really not that hard. All he has to do is LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING TO HIM.

Biker's Friend:

He's just a little impatient.

Me:

You think?

The Myth of the Door

I am a man of simple pleasures.

Some of those happen to be sitting in a small room by myself not being bothered by anyone on a Sunday morning…

This is essentially my job at the Gas Station, now that I only work here one day a week.

But, recently a strange occurrence has happened. Since my boss’s return to the store from Lebanon, he has some strange demands. The one demand that I find the funniest is the… front door?

Every single time he comes in, he opens the front door and the garage to get some airflow going. Part of this is because he doesn’t want to pay for air conditioning, and I get that completely. But another part of me wonders what is this obsession about? Because a lot of times I don’t even have the air conditioning on?

I know about places getting stuffy or stale smelling, and that certainly happens at the Gas Station. But this morning something really funny happened. Because for weeks and weeks he’d open the door, and then he’d leave and I’d close the door. Then he’d come back, looking more furious than before and open it again.

This cycle repeated every single time he came in. With him looking more and more angry.

This morning he calls instead of coming in, and asks me to open the garage and the front door. I just say, “Okay.”

I think a lot of this also has to do with people thinking we’re not open. Because every now and again we run out of gasoline and he will call and tell me not to come into the Gas Station the next morning. This is really fun when you’re expecting/needing that pay.

But I degrees. The door being closed has never really STOPPED people from trying to get service here. Some Sundays when I’m not working I’ll peak over. I live across the street, and I see people sitting at the pumps and trying to get inside, screaming at the top of their lungs.

It’s very funny.

I think this is where the door comes in. When the door is closed, and I don’t put on very many lights it appears as though we might be closed. And to add insult to injury I’m usually behind the counter on this laptop and you can’t see me unless you come around the front.

But some part of me can’t help but wonder what he would do if I shut the door again? Like when he comes in would he scream at me? Would he get annoyed? What would he do?

Having worked at the same Gas Station for like 8 years or so, my boss’s really have almost given up on me. And that’s a great feeling. I do the bare minimum and that’s all I really have to do. And it’s nice.

I understand, and they understand. It’s a good relationship.

Just sometimes I wonder if there’s anything I could do to be fired that would be outrageous? Like keeping a door closed, or leaving the air compressor on?