My Grandmother and Composting/Trash
She doesn’t understand or want me to put vegetable/fruit skins on her plants O.o I explained how it works, and she claims it will bring animals to her back yard? I said, “How is having decomposing vegetation going to attract more animals than an actual growing vegetable?” She didn’t know what to say. But like come on. I’m really tired of throwing vegetables in the...
It amazes me...
the number of customers at this gas station who come in with gas canisters and are like, “I want to fill this.” And I say, “Well, you need to give me a certain amount of money.” They all just stare at me, dumbfounded. “I need gas in this.” “Well if you give me money… I can give you back change, or if you use a credit card any amount of money not used...
I love when people say things like...
“Feminism is bullshit.” Okay well can you explain why you think so? “I digress.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? That’s not even trying to make an argument.
Girl at my new job
Her: Hey watch out, and try not to bump into the back of me. I just got a new tattoo!
Me: So, what kinda sick tat did ya get?
Her: Oh. It's a Subaru.
Me: Like the car?
Me: Oh. You must really like that kind of car, do you drive the one you got tattooed on yourself?
Her: Yeah but not the racing model. That's what I got tattooed. I also have the Subaru logo tattooed on my upper leg.
Lol the Gas Station...
We haven’t had a Sunday paper delivered in a little over a month. And I just made coffee. But I realized without coffee or the paper? What good is this place? haha
Customer: Does anyone ever win on this 20 dollar scratch off game?
Me: I don't know. I don't play, nor do I pay attention to who wins.
Customer: Could you give me change for this 20 dollar bill? Like two tens? Or a 10 and two fives?
Me: We don't have any tens, and we only really have enough fives to last us through the night.
Customer: What does that mean? That you can't break a 20 dollar bill?
Me: Yeah, pretty much? I guess I'll break it if you really need me to
Customer: What is that machine over there EVEN FOR. Is it just for PEOPLE TO PLAY?
Me: Are you asking if we make money from it. We make about 3% of what we sell.
Customer: So, If I don't play you're losing 3%.
Me: If you really want your twenty broken that bad, I'll break it.
Customer: This place is terrible. I've never heard of a store like this, if you win, you don't have the money to cash it. You can't break bills, because you don't have any change. Your ATM machine is always broken.
Me: We're terrible what can I say? I'm just some guy who gets paid to sit here. Why complain to me about it?
Gas Stations in the Middle of Nowhere...
Are not places that are for hanging out. Why would you want to be around the smell of gasoline? Burnt rubber? or smog from the highway?
Why does this surprise me?
A person on my facebook has pictures of their dog and cat playing together. Then like one picture over they have themselves posing with a dead buck that they shot. What? Why?
I Don't Have Time for You
I don’t have time for customers who are in such a fucking rush. Just go somewhere else. I don’t have time for you if you’re on your bluetooth or cell phone I will not acknowledge you. I don’t have time for you if you’re in too much of a rush to even say hello. I don’t have time for… if you don’t even let me finish my sentence. I don’t have...
Sorry Old Gay Man. You're Wrong.
Him: Where are you?
Me: I'm putting the cigarettes away in the closet.
Him: When are you going to come out of the closet?
Me: It's a thing you do, it's not like something that you do once, then it's over.
Him: No, I mean like WHEN are YOU going to be coming out of the closet?
Me: What I just said.
Him: I came out of the closet years ago.
Me: That's cool. Yeah. I'm saying it's something you do all the time. You come out to friends, family, co-workers, new people that you meet. It's not a one and done deal. I disagree with people who think it's just a simple process. And most of the mainstream LGBT organizations.
Him: Why is that?
Me: Well, they exclude people all the time. The HRC excluded transgender people from using their flag at a rally, and also changed the wording of the speech, and told a group called Undocumented Queer Youth to not mention that they were undocumented. The HRC kept THEM in the closet about their status.
Him: Oh, I didn't know that. You know what really bugs me though? The queens that walk around all the time being so flashy. It gives us all a bad wrap.
Me: How? Shouldn't people be able to express themselves anyway they see fit? Do you really think they're hurting the community? Someone expressing themselves, and being comfortable with their bodies should always be a right.
Him: You can be yourself and not act THAT WAY.
Me: So you basically think that if a gay man doesn't express a normative gender role, then that means they should be excluded?
Him: ... I gotta go.
Another Customer at New Job
Me: So is this lip balm any good? Oh it's Burts Bees stuff?
Her: No. It's the Dr. Bronners lip balm.
Me: Ohhh. It's a shame their soap is vegan, but the lip balms aren't. I use the soap all the time.
Her: What's in it that you don't use?
Her: Wow. You don't even use beeswax. That's like super vegan.
Me: I guess??? It's 24.95 all together though.
Sometimes Living with my Grandmother is really...
Grandma: Those pants look like they need to be pressed.
Me: I just woke up.
Me: I just threw them on, so I could come down here. I figured it'd be better than coming down in my underwear, because you always wake up at this time of the morning. And I can't find my Pajama pants.
Grandma: Well you sure they're not in the washer or dryer?
Me: Yes. I did half my wash last night.
Grandma: Well where could they be?
Me: I don't know. I just woke up. I didn't want to come downstairs naked, so I threw on some pants. I'm not wearing these pants today. And my pajama pants will turn up.
Grandma: Well maybe we need to get you a new pair of them. I see them in boscov's all the time.
Me: I don't need new clothes. I have too many already. I'm swimming in clothes. I will find the pajama pants!
Grandma: It sounds like they're gone. No, you just don't have anywhere to put them. That's why I need to empty out that bureau.
Me: I'm going to go take a shower.
This is someone dying while having an MRI scan. Before you die, your brain releases tons and tons of endorphins that make you feel a range of emotions. Tragically beautiful. Yes.
A Cashier at my Job
Me: Yeah, I also painted furniture part time, but it wasn't vegan. We painted with milk paint and beeswax.
Her: Why would you care? It's not like you were eating animal proteins?
Me: I'm vegan because of animal exploitation and use.
Her: What? (as she gets another customer)
Me: I'll tell you later...
I love when...
people who are proud of their ignorance, assume that I care.
I Remember the Last Grocery Store I Worked at when...
Manager: You have your headphones back in, I told you that you can't listen to music while you collect carts.
Manager: Because you could get hit by a car.
Me: I won't get hit by a car. I can pay attention to traffic, and listen to music at the same time.
Manager: You're not allowed, it's company policy.
Me: Well, I have an idea. How about instead of me getting paid minimum wage to collect carts in the rain, you could do it! You get paid more than me right? I'll go stand inside and pretend like i'm doing something by watching everyone like you do. Sound like a good deal?
Manager: ... nevermind
People at Orientation Today for my new Job.
New Employee #1: So wait you're vegan?
New Employee #1: So you don't eat anything from an animal at all?
New Employee #1: I guess I can respect that.
New Employee #1: I mean I could never live without foie gras or cheese. It must take a lot of will power to do that.
Me: I guess?
New Employee #2: Ahh you got sushi too?
New Employee #2: Ohh you got veggie sushi. You don't eat fish?
Me: No. I don't.
New Employee #2: OHH MAN I COULD NEVER DO THAT! I can't understand people with gluten intolerance either, that must be horrible! You guys can't eat anything. I like to eat a wide variety of foods.
Last day walking dogs. I’m so happy it’s over. I loved the dogs, but hated the pay. ugh.
My New Job
said I was hired. They said I was supposed to come in for Orientation. They said they wanted to get me working there as soon as possible. They got me to order some shoes. But it’s been almost a week and a half and they haven’t talked to me. Apparently I need to do orientation, before I can actually begin working there? I put in my two weeks at my other job. I just hope they have me do...
The Walking Dead: The Game
Was one of the first video games that I really loved in years. I’d go play it, if I were you. Also CLEMENTINE!!!
Half and Half
Customer: I'm buying half and half or as they say in the british isles
"alf and alf."
Me: Is that really what they say? I'm sure they say creme or something else.
Customer: Have you ever been to Britain before?
Me: No? But you just said...
Customer: Well, if you've never been then you can't you know. We both don't know.
Me: Well yeah. You made my point.
Anonymous asked: So do you live in the DMV? Or did you travel to Katsu?
My Magic Plan
of talking to the homeless guy didn’t work. I asked him if he needed any help with anything, I gave him a cup of coffee. He asked where the nearest bus station is, and I told him. Then he asked to use the bathroom I gave him the bathroom key. And now he’s locked himself in the bathroom… Fuck.
Homeless Guy at the Gas Station
Hmm. Apparently he’s been here for an hour. I told my manager that I didn’t think that he was stealing anything because he paid for 3 dollars in chips. But I wonder if I should say something to him or not…. Who knows?
One of the weirdest things to ever happen at the...
was when someone was so mad that so many of our pumps were broken That they decided to hang up the nozzle of the gas gun… In the window washer squeegee container next to the pumps. I think they filled it with gasoline too. I remember I walked outside, and they drove away and I said out loud, “Did they really just do that?”
You need to wait...
until your credit card goes through, to pump any gas. how hard of a concept is that to understand?
Letter of Resignation
Dear ___________, I regret to inform you that I am putting in my two weeks notice. I have had a great time working for you, and for your company. You helped me experience closeness with dogs, that I haven’t felt since I was very young. Getting to know the dogs on my route taught me so much about animals, trust, and relationships. Seeing how excited some dogs are just to see me when I walk...
Blasting the new World/Inferno album at work...
Makes me feel like this is 5 years ago… and i’m still in the same Gas Station… Hmmm… I wish I had something witty to say about this…
Better bring me my W2 form soon. I need that so I can get my taxes done and get a refund check. Then maybe I’ll spend that money on a Juicer :O Yep. I need to eat more fruits and veggies. Oh and I got that job at whole foods. Now I can live off what I was before and just give all my money to Sallie Mae for the rest of my life. Fantastic.. >.>
Customers Who are in SUCH a hurry.
that they HOLD THE DOOR OPEN WHILE THEY SWIPE THEIR CREDIT CARD. DO YOU REALIZE I’M INSIDE A POORLY HEATED LITTLE SPACE HERE AND IT’S BELOW FREEZING OUTSIDE?
Two of my best friends going vegetarian or...
Woop woop! I didn’t think I’d see this day. This might make my idea for a Film Analysis/Vegan Dinner club even better! Welcome to the Dark Side!
Zelda Noir Cosplay Skit: Katsucon 19
We did really well! A lot better than expected. We got a Judges Award and we got Best Presentation Overall. The video will be up on the AC Paradise youtube channel in about a week. That’s when I’ll spam the shit outta everyone and message boards. Either way genre crossing was super fun, and now we need to think of something to top this cosplay. Oh, and we’re considered cosplay...
Nothing like eating a huge plate of spaghetti And then taking turns fucking each other, and having queer secks with yer partner. :3
So this Zelda/Film Noir Cosplay is coming...
Last night I was freaking out at the Gas Station Because I edited a version or two of the audio for a cosplay skit I’m working on with my troop. We have a pretty strict democratic way that we get things done, and it works a lot better in real life than on the internet. Now, although I love the internet, It can make things difficult when you have like 5 different versions of...
That Moment When Your Grandmother...
is so excited about someone having a baby. And you are quite sure you never want a kid… ever.
Old Guys in the Morning
So, the woman who works during the day in the week Scheduled an Older Gentlemen for 8:30 in the morning, On a Saturday, But the new worklists the mechanic made have NO INDICATION OF WHAT TIME THE CUSTOMERS COME IN So, there’s no mechanic here. Me and this old dude are just hanging out. Strangely enough, he’s reading a book on a kindle. I was watching a documentary, but now I guess...
Whole Foods called me...
Whole Foods is having me in for an interview. They told me the pay is 10 an hour… and you get benefits pretty damn quick. I don’t know if I can turn it down. Of course I feel annoyed them being one of the places that put my little food coop out of business. But I need the money. Also their CEO with his whole “conscious capitalism” bullshit really annoyed me. I tried...
My Fucking Bosses
Ran out of gasoline. So instead of selling cigarettes and whatever else we have to sell here. They tell me to go home? I ask if I can get paid for the hours I’m not working since it’s their fault. They say, “Nope.” I’ve been working here for 5 fucking years and they just call me and tell me to go home? Fuck them.
Why do people who make a big deal about the price of a drink, and a dutch master… never want their change? It’s 20 cents, if you saved that up enough times… YOU’D HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR ANOTHER DUTCH!!!
Explaining Dalí to my Grandmother...
Me: Oh, I didn't know Dalí worked with Hitchcock on that movie. Is that what the history channel just said?
Grandmother: Why anyone would want to work with that whack-job is beyond me...
Me: Dalí, and the surrealists really did quite a lot to improve art.
Grandmother: By, what? Making no sense?
Me: Their art represented topics, ideas, and feelings. But just in a way that wasn't realistic.
Me: They were really tame, compared to the Duchamp and the Readymades, or the Dadaists. They were making statements about the state of ART itself. By not necessarily representing anything.
Grandmother: People go into museums to look at pretty pictures. All of that is NOT ART.
Me: That's exactly what they want you to think though. They're asking what actually makes art?
Grandmother: (turns up the television and decides to ignore me)